In Crisis? 
I love Brandon. Since joining SERC and Klinic, I have made it a goal to visit our Brandon offices quarterly to promote strong connections that can sometimes be challenging across geographical distance. I also try to ensure when I get Brandon that I am able to participate in some sort of shadowing or staff activity. This trip, I had the chance to go out with Jesse, one of our SERC Sexuality & Reproductive Health Facilitators, to a local junior high for a session on healthy relationships.
I have written about this subject before; in Winnipeg we do similar programming, largely with new Canadian youth. However, unlike the 12-week session that I wrote about in my first Healthy Relationship blog , Jesse is visiting this local Junior High for just one session today as part of their wellness days. Jesse gets just one hour with these students and so I imagine he is under pressure to be memorable!
We arrive at the school about 15 minutes before we are slated to start, and the students are currently at recess, which we agree is not a terrible thing to follow. We are greeted warmly as we are sent to set up in the assigned classroom. It is evident that there is a high degree of familiarity and comfort with SERC and our staff. Jesse quickly checks in with the teacher and starts setting up, posting ground rules and SERC contact information. Quickly after students start wandering in and we are joined by 16 in total.
Jesse warms up by introducing himself and asking if they have heard of SERC- the answer is a resounding and heartening yes. They also are able to tell Jesse exactly where our office is (by Tokyo Zone and the Bridge!). Jesse talks a bit more about what SERC does and the ground rules for our discussion today as he introduces the topic of healthy relationships. The first activity for students is naming all the possible relationships they may have- and there are many: family, friends, teachers, coaches, social workers, doctors, foster parents are just a few that are named.
The students are told that they are going to be asked some questions and that there are signs on three walls in the room indicting whether they agree, disagree, or are unsure. They are to go the side of the room that corresponds with their answer after each question. We use this great activity often in a variety of ways as it keeps folks thinking and moving around.
Here are some of the questions:
- Should healthy relationships be fun?
- Most agree but some point out that sometimes they are hard and frustrating, and sometimes you get hurt. Jesse acknowledges that sometimes we do get frustrated and hurt but generally, a healthy relationship should feel good more than it feels bad: if your relationship only makes you sad, it may not be healthy.
- If you hurt someone, should you laugh and walk away?
- All students disagreed with this and pointed out astutely that even when we are joking we should say sorry if we hurt someone.
- Is jealousy a sign of love?
- Not surprisingly this is a hard one for the students. We live in a culture that often promotes jealousy as an important indicator of love. Most of the students agree that it is. They ask questions like “shouldn’t you feel something if your partner is with someone else?” and “if you don’t get jealous doesn’t that mean you don’t care?” Another student acknowledges it is not always good but sometimes.
- Jesse is able to answer their questions by reflecting on previous conversations that occur with students around power, and the role that insecurity plays in jealously. All of the students agree that it is not ok for your partner to want to know where you are all the time and that you should be able to go out with other friends on your own.
Other questions included:
- Is it ok to lash out at someone who forgot your birthday? Most disagree.
- If you start doing something and your partner wants to stop is that ok? Resounding yes!
- Is it ok to threaten someone as long as you don’t follow through on it? Most agree.
- Is it ok for your partner to want to know where you are every minute of the day? Most disagree.
- Is it ok for a coach to ask to speak to you alone in the change room? Mixed response. The class decides it may be best to bring a friend along.
Jesse asks students to help create a top 5 list for healthy and unhealthy relationships. The answers include:
Healthy: trust, kindness, respect, loyalty, honesty
Unhealthy: trust problems, non-consent, abuse, jealousy, disrespectful
They agree that it comes down to communication. And then a young woman asks a question that instantly reminds me why we are here, and how much I want for these discussions to be taking place in every young person’s life: “what if your partner threatens suicide if you leave?” Jesse and the whole class answer together, find a counsellor, get help right away, for both of you. Another student adds, that is not a healthy relationship.
As we leave, Jesse and I talk about these mostly 13 year olds and the stresses that they must encounter, along with our own thoughts on how societal norms and values seem to be changing. I am thankful that they are getting a safe place to ask these questions as they try to figure out their place in this world.
One final note, I had the opportunity this week to attend the Winnipeg Premiere of Swift Current the documentary by Sheldon Kennedy and the Sheldon Kennedy Child Advocacy Centre regarding the lasting trauma and implications of childhood sexual abuse. This film is at once both devastating and inspiring and I encourage you to find an opportunity to watch it. The premiere for me could not have been more timely given the topics that Jesse covered in his session on healthy relationships, and reminded me of why it is so important that we teach students to question any situation in which they feel uncomfortable and to recognize what makes a healthy relationship.